100 Words – Elvis, Choke, Fire? WHAT?!

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

It was a rainy afternoon in Seattle when they got off the bus for lunch.  Eight homemade renderings of the King all sat around the teppanyaki table as the chef danced with razor sharp ginsu knives.  Gold Elvis clasped his hands around his throat, a large piece of beef wasn’t going down, and the Heimlich proved ineffective.

Gold Elvis writhed in panic and toppled a bottle of oil onto the griddle.  The flames ignited a White Elvis rhinestone cape triggering the sprinkler system.  Gold Elvis fell to the floor, an umbrella popped open.  The Benihana chef acted quickly with a Ginsu Tracheotomy.

“Beginners luck,” he said, wiping the blood on his apron.

Give Blood and Thanks: Chapter 6 and 7

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Give Blood and Thanks: Chapter 6 and 7 – Download PDF

Chapter 6:  Hoooooooooot Pockeeeeeeeeeeet

“Record setting temperatures are expected in the City this week with humidity levels in the forties.  Community weather gurus are urging people to keep hydrated and stay indoors.  More on that after the break.”

Remy watched the TV through the rusty steel mesh outside Smitty’s front window display.  The microwave hadn’t produced a damn thing in two days and he was starving.  He opened the windowed door nearly every ten minutes and kept getting the same empty disappointment.  Under normal circumstances he would be gathering up cans, or holding his “will work for food sign” on some street corner, but it was just too damn hot to be in the direct sun.  He held onto hope the microwave would produce again, even tried to leave it alone for a few and come back to it, hoping for another Breakfast Dinner.  Looks like his Guardian Angel has moved on to another lost soul, back to the one man show.

The sign on the door said Smitty would be back at 1:30, said he was, “out to lunch.”  That fat-fuck was constantly eating and living chubby off the misfortune of others.  People from all walks of life could stumble in his store and get pennies on the dollar worth for wedding rings, watches, stolen goods or any electronics, Smitty didn’t care, he took it all.  If the cops collected the inventory lists of all the house robberies this month, guaranteed, half of that stuff was at Smitty’s dingy Swap Meet.  Remy heard the slow clinking of metal approaching from around the block.
Read the rest of this entry »

100 Words – Telescope + surprise ending.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Telescope

There are billions of stars in the sky.  Eastern philosophy says that man’s destiny is written in these red giants, supernovas, pulsars and constellations.  That’s what my Dad says anyway; he is an astronomer at UCLA.  He is my hero, and someday, I’ll be an astronomer, just like him.

When I was thirteen he got me a high powered telescope for my birthday.  I was lucky to have the upstairs room, and he was beaming proud that I used that telescope every day.  My father gave me the greatest gift a boy could ever want.  I gazed on the perfect symmetrical moons of Suzi Morris’s tits every single starry night.

Give Blood and Thanks: Chapter 4 and 5

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Give Blood and Thanks: Chapter 4 and 5 – Download PDF

Chapter 4: Plymouth rock blues.

Beep Beep Beep!

Remy blinked his eyes, ‘What the hell did I drink last night? My head hurts like hell.’

He looked up at the starry night sky in the moments between full consciousness and sleep.  Then he felt the weight on his chest and the memory came rushing back to him.

Beep Beep Beep!

The microwave sat square on his chest, but it felt heavier somehow.  He slid out from under it and laid it to rest on the ground next to him.

‘Hell of a price to pay for a good meal.  You are a heavy son of a bitch.’

Read the rest of this entry »

Give Blood and Thanks: Chapter 2 and 3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Give Blood and Thanks: Chapter 2 and 3 – Download PDF

Chapter 2: Winner Winner Turkey Dinner

Beep! Beep! Beep!

‘What the hell?’ The sound woke up Remy just in time to experience the full blown nausea and headache of the hangover he wanted to sleep through.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

‘Shut the hell up,’ he closed his eyes but it was too late.  The inside of the cardboard Maytag home started to spin, there was no sleeping now.  Being a homeless man in the back alley of Front Street had perks at night but not during the day.  No one bothered wanders while they slept but the  morning always brought the foot traffic of early risers to downtown.

Read the rest of this entry »